Our first week back

It's been a week since we returned from our trip and it feels like we never left. Barely 48 hours after landing we were at our friends annual white elephant holiday party. This year's theme was glitter and gold; guests were encouraged to dress their best but with a little pizazz. This of course meant sequins. Claire had the foresight to buy gold sequined kimono from eBay that would have made Liza Minelli proud. We also had to prearrange for our gifts to be shipped ahead of time. Last year, my Darth Vader light up chest plate t-shirt was a huge hit, especially as it was picked last preventing anyone from stealing. The pressure was on to top such a display of awesomeness. Originally I had wanted to purchase the Calvin and Hobbes box set, but Claire talked me out if it. Mainly because I really wanted it for myself, but also because she didn't think it lived up to last year. Through a series of fortunate suggestions from Amazon.com I stumbled upon the ten kitten t-shirt. Awesome, but not awesome to eleven. I needed to up the ante. Cue the kitten magnet... kitten yoga 2012 calendar... LOL cats box set... And the kitten holiday party DVD. That last one isn't a porno and is totally SFW. Wait, doesn't that stand for single white female?

Claire's present was a more of a subversive success. She had bought P Diddy's coffee table book on asses called "Culo" but was worried it wouldn't be cool enough or that most people don't care for coffee table books.  However, halfway through the gift exchange someone unwrapped a copy of Culo. While they were doing so, I thought to myself "when did Claire change her wrapping paper?" That's when we turned to each other and realized there were two ass books under the tree! Double Culo! Needless to say, it was a huge hit. Every round, both books were stolen up to the exchange limit until the very last unwrapping. Dirty minds think alike and it was good to know our six month absence had no deteriorating effect on the bond with our friends.

The rest of the weekend was spent adjusting to domestic life and planning out the week ahead. Our audacious plan to spend a week in NYC as if it were part of our trip took one big step forward, then about faced right back to the couch and reruns of Modern Family and Happy Endings. Though we made it to the tree at Rockefeller Center and the rink at Bryant park, we skipped on the skating and have yet to see any of the other sights we sought out. The Statue of Liberty got rained out, Dyker Heights Xmass displays were too far without a car and everything else we've either lived through, know better to avoid, or it was quite frankly too cold out to go see. Ironically, its unseasonably warm at 55, but when you've just come from 85 and sunny you have a different perspective on temperature tolerance. Having a working fireplace in our sublet isn't helping.

The rest of our time has been spent submitting resumes, revamping the blog, planning a trip to Mexico for a wedding, joining a gym and baking cupcakes. Normally the last two things you wouldn't put in the same sentence unless they were cause and effect, but one has nothing to do with the other in this instance. The gym is for us and the cupcakes are for the brother in law. It turns out Claire's brother Aaron missed out on the cupcakes at our wedding. Upon hearing such news, I promised him cupcakes for Christmas. With a little creative shopping at Target were were able to bake vanilla and fudge swirled cupcakes with vanilla icing and various combinations of M&Ms, Reeses Pieces, Peppermints, and sprinkles as toppings. Next year we're going to try crumbled gingerbread cookie pieces and eggnog icing so stay tuned.

As for joining the gym, there were several factors at play, but mostly because of the one question no husband can ever answer: "Am I getting fat?" It's a conundrums that has been explored by numerous stand up comedians over the ages so there's no need to explore it hear. When you spend 24/7 with someone, subtle changes over time are often imperceptible. Claire had no idea I lost weight between Ibiza and India, but it still happened. Would I have noticed if my wife gained any weight over a six month period? I'm not going to answer that upon fear of death.  Mind you, we were in tip top shape last June in time for our wedding, but fast forward several months and we were both worse for wear. Today we had a real, full on work out at the gym that left us both feeling better about ourselves. That is, until Claire got on the scale in the locker room. Needless to say, we'll be going to the gym every day until further notice. Husbands know how to lie about such things, but scales do not.

At least there will be more cupcakes for me.

- Bill